Arnold Meets The Press
The interview with "Governor Girlie Man, Arnold in a Pink Dress," which begins below, includes our silly questions followed by some outrageous statements taken directly from Arnold Schwarzenegger's past speeches, statements, writings, and media interviews.
Arnold's words are his own -- you couldn't pretend to invent some of this stuff.
We warn you that Arnold's utterances are often offensive, sexist and crude. Parental guidance is suggested.
Remember: he said it, not us
Governor, welcome to "Arnold Meets the Press". Thank for agreeing to be our guest this morning for this unique interview.
Our ground rules today: all of your quotes today originated from Arnold Schwarzenegger, your words have not been altered or amended, and the material is sourced.
I’d like to start, since your wife Maria Shriver recently went on the Oprah Winfrey show to ask that you come home to your family, implying that she thinks you should quit politics altogether. How’s Maria managing?
ARNOLD: "I think what has been a great, great pleasure for me, you know, to have such an extraordinary woman, such a fantastic wife, such a spectacular mother." [Source: Schwarzenegger.com]
And while we’re on the subject of Maria, is it true on the first day you met Maria that you told her mother, Eunice Shriver, "your daughter has a great body."?
ARNOLD: "No, I said, "Your daughter has a nice ass." [Source: Cigar Aficionado, 1996]
What did you tell your mother, Aurelia, after meeting Maria?
ARNOLD: "As much as when you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, she must be stupid or must have nothing to offer, which may be is the case many times." [Source: Esquire, July 2003]
Did your mother ever visit you when you were taking correspondence classes from the University of Wisconsin Superior?
ARNOLD: "I had bodybuilding pictures all over my bedroom wall, and my mother said, 'What’s wrong with this guy? He has naked guys up there, and all the other guys have naked girls.' " [Source: New Yorker, June 2004]
What did you think about in taking college correspondence classes?
ARNOLD: "I thought about the fame and just being the greatest. I was dreaming about being some dictator of a country or some savior like Jesus." [Source: Rolling Stone, 1974]
Oh, really? Becoming a dictator or savior, instead of president?
ARNOLD: "My relationship to power and authority is that I’m all for it." [Source: US News & World Report, 1990]
So who has been your leadership role model?
ARNOLD: "I admired Hitler, for instance, because he came from being a little man with almost no formal education, up to power." [Sources: New York Times, ABC News, September, 2003; George Butler]
Hitler?
ARNOLD: "Hitler had only one ball, so that’s why he wanted to conquer the world." [Source:Time Out, 1977]
Hmmm. Is that why you're so driven?
ARNOLD: "It’s like I always told you. He who hesitates…..masturbates." [Sources: Cigar Aficionado, 2000, Oui, 1977]
Switching to current issues in California -- have you heard from the Democrats on the budget timetable?
ARNOLD: "Why would I listen to losers?" [Source: Multiple]
Are they are afraid of you?
ARNOLD: "If they don’t have the guts, I call them girlie men." [Source: Multiple]
Eventually you will negotiate in earnest, right? Last year you took a bipartisan approach on the debt bond financing initiative, Prop 59. Can you give us an insider’s view of that success?
ARNOLD: "We had girls backstage giving head, then all of us went out and I won. It didn’t bother me at all; in fact, I went out there feeling like King Kong." [Source: Oui, 1977]
Incredible! But won't you have to deal with the same key Democratic legislators who you've disparaged as losers and girlie men? Who then is in the Schwarzenegger cigar-smoking tent? Is it Burton? Perata? Nunez?
ARNOLD: "Yes, but not everybody, just the guys who can fuck in front of other guys. Not everybody can do that." [Source: Oui magazine, 1977]
Any other reasons?
ARNOLD: Some think that they don't have a big enough cock, so they can't get a hard-on." [Source: Oui magazine, 1977]
And will any women legislators join in these budget negotiations?
ARNOLD: "Having chicks around is the kind of thing that breaks up the intense training. It gives you relief, and then afterward you go back to the serious stuff." [Source: Oui, 1977]
Have you always thought that way?
ARNOLD: "I used to feel that women were here for one reason. Sex was simply another kind of exercise, another body function." [Source: Arnold Schwarzenegger biography, "Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder"]
Turning to your new sissified look, do you still go twice a month to an elite Beverly Hills hair salon, the Guiseppe Franco Salon, for manicures, pedicures, foot massages, and hair dye jobs? Do you still insert customized lifts in your shoes and boots, so you're seen as taller than 5' 10"? Will you and Franco begin ballet lessons again? [Source: New York Post, April 18, 2005; New York Daily News; Pumping Iron]
ARNOLD: "I can look at a chick who is a little out of shape and if she turns me on, I won’t hesitate to date her. If she’s a good fuck she can weigh 150 pounds. I don’t care." [Source: Esquire, February, 2003]
Seems like your "Post-Groping Sensitivity-Training" needs some remedial sessions?
ARNOLD: "If a girl comes on strong and says, ‘I really dig your body and I want to fuck the shit out of you,’ I just decide whether I like her or not. If I take her home, I try to make sure I get as much out of it as she does." [Source: Oui, 1977]
And how has this approach worked for you?
ARNOLD: "Many times while I was getting laid, in my head I was doing a business deal." [Source: Esquire, February 2003]
Speaking of business deals, Hollywood is very worried about runaway production leaving southern California. What's your solution?
ARNOLD: "Every opportunity I get, when there is a unique kind of location or something, I say to the production people, ‘This is where we have to shoot – in Mexico.’ Like Collateral Damage, Conan the Barbarian, Total Recall, Predator – all those movies were down there, because it’s a great place to shoot." [Source: New Yorker, September 29, 2003]
But your filming in Mexico takes high-paying jobs away from Californians?
ARNOLD: "Someone is trying to make me look like I am anti-Latino, when I’ve done four movies in Mexico. I love to go on vacation in Mexico." [Sources: Multiple]
So you're for Latinos after all?
ARNOLD: "You know, the thing I love about Mexican women is how furry their pussies are." [Source: Esquire, June 2004]
You’ll soon meet in private with Chinese Premiere Wen Jiabao during a trade mission to Shanghai and Beijing. What will you convey to him?
ARNOLD: "Men shouldn’t feel like fags just because they want to have nice-looking bodies." [Source: Oui, 1977]
Oh, Lordy! Can you say that to a top foreign leader? What does Charlotte Schultz, your chief protocol officer, recommend for making a good first impression to a top foreign government leader?
ARNOLD: "A little patting on the ass" [Source: Cigar Aficionado, 1996]
You'll give a couple official toasts at the State Dinner in Beijing? Can you give us a preview, in your best version of English?
ARNOLD: "I want you to go in the bathroom, stick your finger in your vagina, and bring it out to me." [Source: Premiere, 2001]
Oh my, the caffeine’s certainly kicked in today, Governor. May I ask you this: many Californians, including Cardinal Roger Mahoney of Los Angeles, are upset about China’s forced-abortion policies. What are your own views on abortion?
ARNOLD: "If you have sex with a woman for fifteen minutes and then you leave, why should she have to go through pregnancy for nine months and have a child? It’s ridiculous." [Source: New Yorker, June 2004: Franco Columbu, longtime genuine best friend, quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger]
Then do you prefer abstinence or contraception?
ARNOLD: "You should sell dildos. People buy them for presents -– they like to be funny at parties. They really sell." [Source: Anecdotage.com; Esquire]
And how does the Chinese Premier's wife respond? What will you say to her?
ARNOLD: "Before you go, I want to see if your breasts are real." [Sources: multiple, Schwarzenegger to British interviewer Anna Richardson]
What inspires you to say such a thing?
ARNOLD: "If I see a girl with big tits, I'm going to stare and stare. And I'm going to think in my mind what I am going to do with her if I would have her." [Source: Pumping Iron]
It sounds like you're quite the "Big Tent" Governor.
ARNOLD: "I have absolutely no hang-ups about the fag business" [Source: Oui, 1977]
So you're now OK with distributing condoms in prisons?
ARNOLD: "The cock isn’t a muscle so it doesn’t grow in relation to the shoulders, say, or the pectorals. You can’t make it bigger through exercise, that’s for sure." [Source: Oui, 1977]
Was this your view as the official White House fitness expert?
ARNOLD: "The best activities for your health are pumping and humping." [Source: Pumping Iron]
So you're backing off teaching abstinence in high schools?
ARNOLD: "Lifting weights is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I lift weights. It’s great. I feel like coming all day long." [Source: Oui, 1977]
Hey, hold on. I just hit me. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger we’re talking about, a guy who usually can handle only seventeen lines of dialogue in an entire two-hour movie. Why is that?
ARNOLD: "I get laid on purpose. I can’t sleep before a competition and I’m up all night, anyway, so instead of staring at the ceiling I figure I might as well find somebody and fuck." [Source: Oui, 1977]
That's quite a provocative platform to take to voters, Governor.
ARNOLD: "People need somebody to watch over them...Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave." [Source: US News & World Report, 1990]
Governor Schwarzenegger, be candid about Governor Girlie Man, the Sissy in the Pink Dress? Have you seen the new "Arnold Armed Again" bobblehead? Do you prefer yours armed with a gun or without?
ARNOLD: "I only like dresses and skirts." [Source: Carol Amende, "If You Can't Say Something Nice About Someone......Come Sit Next To Me")
So, despite the "Arnold in a Pink Dress" bobblehead, despite the Arnold 'Action’ Governor condoms, the Arnold chew toy, the lipstick and nail polish, car magnets, the dog food and all the other humiliation, what do you think your legacy as California's Governor will be?
ARNOLD: "I want to be a champion of women." [Source: Multiple]
And then what? Do you sit back, relax, and light up an expensive Cuban cigar in your tent?
ARNOLD: "I always say that whenever there is smoke, there is fire. So I want to say to you, yes, that I have behaved badly sometimes." [Source: Multiple]
No doubt. Thank you, Governor, for being, as always, a fascinating, fun-loving interview.
That’s it for this edition. Remember, if it's Funday, it’s "Arnold Meets the Press".
Go Bills!
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