Currently the #1 "knuckle-dragging right-wing demagogue claiming to be an independent" (yes- even outstripping O'Reilly,) Glenn Beck posesses the most punchable face in america, as well as the most stomach-turning, vile, and hateful ideology. He was tolerable, and ignorable, as long as he was confined to the more obscure regions of the AM radio dial, but since the day he was inexplicably given an hour-long daily television program on CNN Headline News, his smarmy invective is now beamed into the homes of hundreds of millions of households, worldwide.
Glenn has the perfect schtick- his claims of being a "recovering alcoholic" allow him to play the role of the "flawed hero." His smarmy, rapid-fire manner and speaking style actually succeeds in being comedic at times. Borrowing from the repertoire of every charlatan since the snake of eden, he peppers his commentaries and diatribes with self-deprecating banter, letting his audience know, with a wink and a nod, that he's not a stuffed shirt, like Limbaugh, Hannity, and his fellow spreaders of conservative bullshit.
His on-air persona is carefully crafted to make him appear the charming average joe- a fun, happy-go-lucky guy that you'd like to have over to your place for a friendly round of Jenga.
However, this tailored media persona does little to conceal a hate-filled, paranoid, and downright delusional agenda.
This is a man who has:
Compared Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum to Winston Churchill
Is one of the few remaining deniers of global warming
Considers blind people to be objects of ridicule
Called the victims of Hurricane Katrina "Scumbags", and admitted his "hate" for the families of the victims of 9/11
Called for the bombing of Venezuela
Called Cindy Sheehan a "really big prostitute"
Further, Beck has spent about 25% of his on-air time engaging in a hysterical, self-indulgent, anti-muslim crusade, including a continuing mini-series, "Exposed," which has no other modern equivalent, outside of Franz Hippler's "The Eternal Jew."
Despite Beck's affable manner, he has distinguished himself on radio, and now on TV, as the preeminent affable, self-deprecating disseminator of hate, lies, ignorance, and intolerance. You can read the full list of his offenses here. The basic problem with Beck, as it is with most alcoholics, is that he hates himself with a passion that he cannot contain- with recovery, rather than confront that self-hate, he has turned his hatred outward, upon an ideological target. Without a timely intervention, he'll implode, leaving his clueless devotees without a central icon for their wasted impulses and tendencies.
#9: HISTORICAL REVISIONISTS
There are two kinds of historical revisionists- those who are unable to grasp the facts of history out of ignorance, and those who are unwilling to do so, out of malice.
In the latter category, we have Iranian President Mahmoud Amadenijad, who recently hosted a conference of holocaust denial. Pointing out the idiocy of this is banal, to an extent that defies description. Folks who claim that the holocaust "just didn't happen" are so seriously delusional, they'd give Alex Jones a run for his money.
The holocaust did happen- my only problem with the details of the collective historical understanding of what happened during those years is this:
If you ask the average person on the street about the nazi holocaust, and they'll only be able to quote you one statistic: 6 million jewish victims.
All well and good- 6 million dead is a horrific thing to contemplate- but I wonder why the additional 17 million people who died at the hands of the nazis- Gypsies, Jehovah's Witnesses, homosexuals, Slavs, Russians, Muslims, and political prisoners, are always left out of the equation.
But that's another topic for another website than this.
However, Mahmoud isn't alone on his walk down the road of lunacy, along with him, you'll find Bill O'Reilly, who asserted that US troops went on a brutal killing rampage during World War 2- the Malmedy Massacre. (Unfortunately for Falafelman, the massacre was actually a mass killing of american troops by German forces.) Right alongside Billy, we have professional contrarian gobshites like Michelle Malkin, Christopher Hitchens, and Ann Coulter, who attempt to defend everything from Joe McCarthy's red scare, to the notorious Tuskeegee syphilis experiments.
But hey- maybe we're not giving these jokers enough credit- they're the eternal optimists: "Don't worry- everything's GREAT! Holocaust? Never Happened! Segregation? Hell- black folks THRIVED under Jim Crow! Prescott Bush didn't have ANYTHING to do with supporting the Third Reich!"
#8: THE PRO-WAR MINORITY
Those other historical revisionists- those who embrace a flawed view of history out of their inability or unwillingness to think coherently, have formed a few grand sewing circles in the shrinking minority that still adhere to Bunnypants' view of the war. In amongst those who adhere to Bush's personality cult, you find stunning ignorance.
In recent months, I've spoken with diehard conservatives and have repeatedly brought up one of the major flaws of the Neocon strategy, vis a vis Iraq:
"The Bush Bowl thought they could conquer Iraq with a force smaller than that which was required to conquer the island of Iwo Jima- doesn't that strike you as, well- idiotic?"
Their response, invariably, is:
"Well- the Iraqis are just UNCIVILIZED. We're just trying to help the Iraqis, and they send suicide bombers out to kill people."
Uhh- all due respect for the new, reformed Japan, but I'd suggest that anyone who holds on to the belief that the fight against the Japanese was a cupcake party to read Iris Chang's "The Rape of Nanking" If you can think of a bestial horror that can be perpetrated by man against man, the Japanese perfected it, seventy years ago.
And as far as suicide bombers go- ever heard of the "Divine Wind" Kamikaze pilots? Talk about being ahead of one's time...
Yeah- those damned Iraqis- we went in and bombed the hell out of their country, killed over a half-million of them, and dang it, if they were just "civilized" enough, they'd collectively bend over, and ask for more- it's the only civilized thing to do.
Lee Raymond might have quit his job as chair of Exxon Mobil at the end of 2005, but we didn't learn about this guy's record-busting 400 million dollar retirement package wasn't known about publicly until April of this year.
The year prior to this guy's retirement, he gouged the american people to the tune of hundreds of billions at the pump. Taking advantage of the turmoil in the middle east, the complicity of the Bush Bowl, and the wrath of Hurricane Katrina, he jacked up the price of gasoline to ridiculous levels, simply because- hell- HE COULD.
Currently, he serves as vice-chair of the notorious conservative "American Enterprise Institute" think tank, where he presides over the intellectual pursuits of other grotesquely fat rich white men.
The only nice thing one can say about this guy is that the above portrait has become quite famous on the web, because bulimics no longer have to finger-gag themselves- now, they just whip out a glossy of this guy's mug, and before you know it, EVERYTHING'S coming up.
Rush Limbaugh has long since resigned himself to being the one member of the "Surreal Life" who never shows up on-set. Whether it be his mocking of parkinson's disease, his admission to lying to his audience, or getting caught with illicit stashes of penis pills, his antics over the last year are just a few more drabs of paint on a Pollock-esque mess of a career.
But one must wonder- what kind of self-loathing, delusional idiot still listens to this man, much less believes Limbaugh has anything to say that's worth listening to? Okay- I admit- there might be some who listen in to the guy because, sometimes, mind-blowing idiocy is kinda fun- that's why I STILL watch "Springer" from time to time- but that doesn't account for the massive audience that this cretin still drags in, every day.
It's more apparent than ever that Reagan's cuts to education back in 80's continue to bear bitter fruit.
Yeah- it's not all about politics, folks...
Back in 1959, Pat Frank wrote the classic post-apocalyptic novel, "Alas, Babylon," which still remains iconic and unique in a genre that has spawned countless novels, films, and television shows. In the novel, we witness how a small, rural Florida community strives to survive in the wake of a global nuclear war. It's a fantastic read, particularly, because of the skillful use of character development: After the bombs fall, the rich banker finds out that his prestige and wealth are now just pieces of paper- the librarian who found herself marginalized in the dawning age of the television finds herself the guardian of the only source of knowledge and entertainment in town- the white and black communities, formerly separated by history and mutual prejudice, are brought together.
Now- apparently, someone over at CBS had read this novel, and has bowlderized it into the Worst. Apocalypse. Ever.
Watching this show, I found my intelligence being insulted every 30 seconds or so, and startled to find my pants being blown off by the sheer force of my boredom. You'd think that, in the wake of a nuclear catastrophe, people would have better things to do than have melodramatic arguments with their parents about their failed marriages. You'd think that after several weeks of no running water or electricity, some of the people might show a tad of grime. You'd think that after thousands of plot holes and inconsistencies pile up, the writers would do us the courtesy of committing collective suicide on prime time TV...
But Alas, Babylon, this show is 90210 without alla that troubling depth and nuance. The characters are unlikable, unbelievable, and the acting is the worst I've seen outside of those "Why, I didn't order a plumber!" segues at the beginning of porn films.
It is oft said that, should a nuclear war occur, the survivors will envy the dead. I concur whole-heartedly- if if post-nuke Montclair resembles Post-Nuke Jericho, I'd be so tortured by banality and boredom, that I'd be among the first to off myself...
Okay- we get it- you have a very small penis, and are enough of a corporate ass-kissing tool, that you can afford to go out and buy a sixty thousand dollar paperweight.
However- in times in which wars are being fought for oil, and in a world in which global warming is the greatest threat the human race will have to face in the next half-century, the purchase and use of one of these viagara-on-wheels is the vehicular equivalent of walking around while wearing a swastika armband.
Whenever I'm walking down the street, and I see a hummer parked, or waiting in traffic, I make an effort to cross the street, dredge up the nastiest wad of boogers and phlegm I can muster, and spit it either on the hood (10 points), or on one of the door handles (20 points.) Sometimes, while walking through neighborhood streets at night, I notice a parked Hummer, away from the streetlights- I check to make sure the streets are clear, and well- let's just say I drink my 8 glasses of water a day, it's gotta come out, and there's no better place to put it than on the driver's side door handle of a strategically-parked Hummer (50 points and a GOOOOOOAL!)
As the neoconservative agenda falls to tatters, one is struck by their relisilience- think about it- they advocated an american imperial agenda that has succeeded in pretty much destroying the United States of America on the world stage in just a few short years. You'd think that these folks would have the good sense to shut their pieholes, but dangit, they just keep springing back into the limelight.
Foremost amongst these geopolitical dead-enders is a man who was once given the distinction of being called "Quayle's Brain"- William Kristol.
He was one of the most strident advocates of Bush's invasion of Iraq- and still thinks that it was a grand idea. In fact- he thinks it was such a grand and glorious success, he currently advocates the use of the United States military to bring "Regime Change" to Iran.
Normally, you'd dismiss a guy like this as a lunatic. However, this guy is a longtime washington insider, and as Bush's coterie continues to shrink, folks like Kristol will be among the last left in the bunker.
Holy freaking "Bob" on a stick, with sparklers- where do I start?
An evil, nepotistic bastard that spent the lives of his countrymen like they were wooden nickels. An anti-american, fear-mongering demagogue who will hopefully die soon in infamy. Getting rid of this guy was more painful than passing a foot-wide turd spiked with acid-dipped razor blades, and we're only left with sandpaper to wipe with.
This man put into motion a mechanism of death that has surpassed the genocide in Darfur. This man makes me ashamed to be an American.
As if it were to be any surprise..
What can I say, that has not already been said?
Let's get active, in the new year, and erase a few assholes from the world...